CEC Listening Councils

Frequently Asked Questions about Listening Councils

What is a CEC Listening Council?
A CEC Listening Council is a circle for conflict evolution, personal growth and community healing. Listening councils offer a safe place to express emotion, an opportunity for the depth of the difficulty or conflict to be revealed and accepted, and a way through the suffering into a new freedom where the gifts of the situation can be identified and appreciated.

When contacted by a Red Lodge member who is experiencing an inner conflict about their relationship to Red Lodge or is struggling to be present with someone else in Red Lodge, we call on a sacred circle of peers to gather in council and listen, creating an opportunity for that person to be seen, acknowledged and heard. When the situation involves a conflict with others who are interested in Listening Council as a tool for inter-personal evolution, we may meet with all involved parties separately and then together.

Why does the CEC offer Listening Councils?
In many organizations, a conflict RESOLUTION committee is seen as a last resort, the place to turn when communications have already broken down or failed. Offering a new paradigm, the Conflict EVOLUTION Council invites Red Lodge members to see us as a resource to assist you in mending and building sustainable relationships. We are committed to offering community members many ways to renew and expand our communication skills, so we can all deepen our awareness of what really works, what helps us thrive together.

We offer our services in the spirit of the Woman’s Way, the corner stone philosophy of our Red Lodge organization. In keeping with the Woman’s Way philosophy, which is grounded in the unfolding processes of the natural world, conflict is accepted as an organic occurrence. It offers us the opportunity to grow emotionally and intellectually into the powerful people we dream ourselves to be. The CEC was created in response to the expressed needs of the women who first envisioned and created Red Lodge. Our mission is to support our organization’s exploration of its evolutionary conflicts in a safe and supportive environment of compassionate, heart centered listening.

How do I ask for a Listening Council?
You may contact any member of the CEC in person, by phone or by email to request a Listening Council. All current CEC members are listed on the Red Lodge web site at wwrl.org. On the web site home page menu bar, click “About Us”, then click “View our Council Pages” on the top of right hand side bar. There you will find the current CEC membership roster. You may email the Chair directly by click here or choose to contact any other name on the list.

You may contact us to explore the idea of having a Listening Council even if you are not clear about your needs, or can’t find all the words to express what you are feeling.

What can I expect from a Listening Council?
Listening Councils work on the principle that within each of us reside the inner resources needed to evolve and transform ourselves in and through our relationship to others. When you are in conflict—either with someone else in Red Lodge, or within yourself about your role in or relationship to Red Lodge—know that you are an essential part of this community. Imagine sitting in a sacred circle of your peers who have gathered to support your desire to find clarity and be at peace, instead of remaining alone and feeling stuck, angry or sad.

Listening Councils gather 3 to 6 others to create safe, sacred space with you—to listen, witness and reflect—so that you can deepen your intuitive ability to move through conflicts creatively. Together, we aim to cultivate the still place inside where we can see and feel our true selves and our true relationship to others more clearly.

A Listening Council is not like paid counseling. It is not about patching up or fixing, nor is it about resolving who is right and who is not. The process of sitting in a Listening Council grows each participant’s ability to be compassionate, real and soul centered, even though and especially when we least feel like it.

You can expect complete confidentiality if you request or have a Listening Council. Members of the CEC will never divulge any aspect of your personal contact with us, before, during or after a LC. Please ask to see our Confidentiality Document for complete details. Please ask for clarification of any concerns you may have about your need for confidentiality.

If one Listening Council does not provide the desired outcome, additional councils can be held. Each council lasts about 1.5 to 2.5hours, and is held in a mutually agreed upon, neutral meeting space that lends itself to a comfortable and private session.

There is no charge for the services of the CEC and for Listening Councils. CEC members volunteer their time and energy to serve Red Lodge members with full hearts of compassion. Recipients of a Listening Council may choose to return the favor through words of thanks or by offering symbolic gifts of food or small tokens of appreciation that come from their own hearts, thus bringing the circle to full closure, in gratitude for all that has been shared. If a conflict develops into an extended series of councils, it is appropriate to have a discussion about reimbursement to compensate facilitators’ expenses, such as travel costs or time lost from normal wage earning activities.

Who participates in a Listening Council?
A Listening Council is facilitated by one or more CEC members trained in Compassionate Listening and other peace-making communication techniques. With help from the CEC, you design your Listening Council to best serve your particular situation. You can choose to have as few or as many CEC members as you wish. The call for listeners goes out to the CEC membership list you have indicated, and the Council consists of whoever can show up at the designated time. If a concern or conflict involves a member of the CEC, a request may be made that the member not be invited to a particular Listening Council.

Also, Supporters or Compassionate Listeners, are sometimes invited by the person requesting the Council. Supporters or Compassionate Listeners are motivated by their personal connection to those in crisis, and by their desire to give back to their community for the love and support they have received. Brief overviews of Compassionate Listening techniques are provided ahead of time to all participants, so they are prepared to support you.

You can meet with the Council alone or with the person(s) with whom you are in conflict. When you choose to meet together, you will each have ample time alone with CEC members and/or the Council to prepare to tell your story from your heart before meeting together.

How would I prepare for a Listening Council?
When you ask for a Listening council, the CEC member you contact will help you to clarify your intentions and desired outcomes. Intentions can guide you beyond your current conception of your conflict and may achieve the following results: create a healing environment where transformation can occur; allow you to listen fully with a quiet mind; help you identify and release blame and judgment towards oneself and others; see “the pearl” in your challenges and conflicts and identify and articulate unmet needs.

In some cases, we may offer you exploratory exercises to help you decide how you want to set up your Listening Council, or to help you move to a place of readiness to speak and listen from your heart during your Listening Council. Simply remembering that challenges and conflicts provide an opportunity for self-discovery can help you move from your “head place” to your “heart space,” where true healing happens.

At the end of each LC, each participant is asked to complete an evaluation/feedback questionnaire, to help us continue to evolve this form to meet the genuine needs of our Red Lodge community.

The following excerpt is from a participant’s feedback:
“Dear Sisters, I feel deeply cared for by your response to my request for conflict evolution…Thank you so much for your Presence with a capital P, meaning the presence for me of God/Goddess/Spirit with skin on. Tears come to my eyes when I think how precious you all are. And how generous. Thank you!” — anonymous LC participant

Where did the concept of Listening Councils come from?
The Conflict Evolution Council (CEC) aims to support the growth process of Red Lodge by supporting individuals who hold differing perceptions, views, and visions. As CEC evolved, we explored resources to meet this growing need, and we discovered and embraced the concept of Listening Council.

We are grateful to Therese Charvet and Brian Berman of Bainbridge Island, who shared with us the model of Listening Councils they developed based on their training and experience in Non-Violent Communication (NVC). They saw a need among their community of friends for a compassionate way to heal the pain and suffering caused by interpersonal conflicts, in order to function well as a group and continue sharing meaningful experiences together. They incorporated Compassionate Listening methods into their Listening Councils.

Many members of the CEC received training in Compassionate Listening and Listening Councils from Therese. Adding in our own gifts, tools and perspectives on this sacred work, CEC now offers this service to any members of our Red Lodge community who are seeking support during conflict.

To request a Listening Council, contact any member of the Conflict Evolution Council or click here to send an email to the CEC Chair.

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